When they break me,
I have to clean
Up the pieces.
When I break them,
I have to do it all
It’s a vicious and tedious cycle,
One I always vow never to let
Happen again, no matter how
Unrealistic (anduntrue) it (allofitallofit)
But I’ve grown thorns since my
Confession of not loving someone who
Thought I did.
Next say ten Hail Marys
Before they call me sweet.
Another before they say
I Love You.
Because I don’t know if I’ll mean it
When I say it back.
Okay, love, here’s
Another confession since
So good at ’em.
When your black clouds rolled over
Your head, it was me who wanted to hide.
I wanted to break my phone
After every “I’m so mad.”
Your lips never tasted like honey
And pretending so was a waste of energy.
Choking out all the I love yous was harder
Than I had imagined.
Yours always seemed desperate.
As if you know I was going to walk out.
And when I did, it wasn’t just your I love
Yous that sounded like they were clinging
Your apologies drowned me and I couldn’t
I think after all that,
Love sounds pretty raw.
You could call me
Go ahead, I’ve been called worse.
I’d agree with you if you did.
I’m on the goddamn roller coaster
And hanging on for dear life,
Dreading when it drops back down.
My eyes and ears are covered, not wanting
To hear or see what my next monster is.
What kind of voice it’ll have.
How cruel and apathetic it’ll be.
You won’t wanna be around when it roars.
I gave myself permission
To hand out pieces of my heart
To people who said
They loved me.
I don’t think they meant it.
But neither did I.